LOVE : Is It A “Feeling” You Fall Into? Or a “Skill” You Practice?
Dr George Kaliaden, PhD- Psycjhologist.ae
Are you in love with your partner, or the “idea” who it should be? Oftentimes, conflict arises because we are fighting a version of our partner that does not exist.
Does your relationship provide a “safe harbor” or a “stormy sea”?
Love should be a place where you feel most secure, yet many couples live inn a state of high alert.
If the “spark” faded tomorrow, what would be left to hold you together? We often mistake excitement for love.
Are you communicating to be “heard” or communicating to understand? Real love requires a shift from winning arguments to winning together.
Research shows that successful long-term love isn’t about the absence of conflict, but how you navigate it.
Well-known psychiatrist late Scott M. Peck famously defines love as: “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” This definition pivots love away from a fleeting feeling and anchors it firmly in the realm of discipline.
Love is Not a Feeling
Peck argues that “falling in love” is a deceptive biological trick—a temporary collapse of ego boundaries that requires no conscious effort. Real love, conversely, begins when the honeymoon ends. It is a disciplined commitment to the well-being of another, regardless of whether the “feeling” of love is present at that moment. By decoupling love from emotion, Peck empowers us: if love is an act of will, we can choose to love even when we are tired, angry, or bored.
The Four Pillars of Discipline
To love effectively, one must master the four pillars of discipline Peck outlines:
* Delaying Gratification: Sacrificing immediate comfort for long-term spiritual health.
* Acceptance of Responsibility: Owning one’s growth rather than blaming a partner.
* Dedication to Truth: Being honest with oneself and the beloved, even when it’s painful.
* Balancing: Managing the requirements of the ego with the needs of the relationship.
Attention as an Act of Love
The primary currency of disciplined love is attention. The most common way we exercise this discipline is through listening. Truly attending to another person requires a “bracketing” of one’s own prejudices and desires to fully receive the other’s experience. This is hard work; it is an active extension of the self that demands energy and focus.
Psychologist.ae is conducting a 2-hour workshop for couples to deepen their understanding of love and enhance the flavour of their loving relationship.
In this interactive workshop led by Dr George Kaliaden,
you will learn that love and discipline are twins. One
cannot exist without the other. To love is to work, and to
work on a relationship is to grow.
: Is your relationship built on feelings, or something stronger?
We all chase the "spark," but what happens when the honeymoon phase fades?
True love isn't just a feeling—it’s a set of skills we have to learn and practice.
If you are tired of repeating the same arguments, feeling disconnected, or wondering
if you’re doing this whole "relationship thing" right, this session is for you.
Join me for an eye-opening breakout session: What is Love?
Swipe through the questions below—if any of them hit too close to home, you need
to be in this room.
Understand the psychology of lasting connection.
Learn practical tools to strengthen your bond.
